laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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