in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
