and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
We are all done wearing pants today
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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