I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
