What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
