The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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