can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
