I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
my sisters under your porch take her home
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
