I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
