the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
