Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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