Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
