Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
