I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Randomize
