dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I have so many feelings about this burrito
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