My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Drunk is not a location!
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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