did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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