I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
