I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
