Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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