I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
