and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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