I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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