He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Randomize
