i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
