Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I supernannyed him into submission
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