How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
