he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
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