it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
