Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
