well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
