just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
