He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
This is my gift to your gina
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
