What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Randomize
