is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
