id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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