he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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