you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
