my vag is so smooth its legendary
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
