I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
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