I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
