At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
