how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
