That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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