So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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