Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
