Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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