I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
