sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
