I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
