soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
